Date me (?)

I am looking for love and, in true nerd fashion, I can’t think of any better way to find it than write a well-formatted markdown file. Think of this as a README.md for dating me. Or maybe a CONTRIBUTING.md? Yeah, let’s say contributing…

If you want to know more about me generically, you can find that on the about page.

Preferences

Women.

Ideally women around my age (29 at time of writing). I’m not overly specific about type and tend to focus more on character.

I can’t stand slow talkers and prefer quick-witted people. In avoidance of cliche, I’ll save you the obvious things: good communication, sense of humour, open-mindedness. Okay, that’s a classic case of paralipsis.

I like confident people, chatty people, and decisive people. Indecisiveness drives me mad - I’ve got enough of that for the both of us.

I’d like a serious, committed relationship, but I’m not 100% sure of my long-term goals right now.

Sexual preferences available on request hehe.

Technical specs

I’m 5’9”, caucasian, brown hair and brown eyes, with a slim athletic build. Myers-Briggs tells me I’m ENTJ if that’s something you care about. I work as a senior team lead at an AI scale up and live in Cambridge. I have a BA in natural science from Cambridge (Jesus College) and an MSci in the history and philosophy of science.

I’m originally from Swansea but have a more or less RP accent these days. I currently live in a house share. No religious beliefs of note.

I like jazz, classical, and latin music, and play guitar in a jazz band. I go swing dancing (lindy hop and charleston) a few times a week. I spend quite a lot of time reading, either classic literature, non-fiction, or articles online. I follow politics, and love a good philosophical debate. I also spend some amount of time writing on my substack and have been known to loiter around a movie theatre or two. I run and play badminton to keep in shape, and ski in the winter.

Things I don’t much care for: pop music, wasting time mindlessly scrolling social media, shallow conversations, people who take themselves too seriously, people who don’t take themselves seriously enough, people who don’t have opinions about things, and slow talkers.

I don’t expect perfect alignment on all these with the person I date, but the above should be somewhat indicative of my character.

Tradeoffs

No one is perfect. But some people are at or near the pareto frontier. Being there necessarily entails tradeoffs between different personality features. Whether I’m at or near the frontier is something you’ll have to find out, woi oi.

Anyway, here are some tradeoffs I think accurately capture the vector-space representation of my personality.

High intensity, some chill

I’m kinda high intensity. I mean, how many people like writing oddly specific substack articles as an evening pass time? Not too many. I get very passionate about things, gesticulating wildly, and can talk at length about subjects I love. Don’t let me near a microphone - I love public speaking! On the flip side, chilled out isn’t the word people tend to use to describe me. I wouldn’t say I can’t relax, but I tend to have a preference for being active, doing things, discussing things, and not for passive consumption.

Cerebral, slightly awkward

Basically, I’m a brain on a stick. Okay, that’s not quite fair. I dance. I run. I ski. I badminton. But I’m not known for my completely smooth, relaxed, comfortable body language and I never will be. Though maybe with the right person…

Confident, not confident

I can come across quite confident sometimes. This is especially so when espousing on subjects I’m passionate about. I have the gift of the gab. At work I can be very decisive and in command when I need to be.

This is literally the exact opposite of how I tend to relate to people when I’m in a relationship. I mean, yeah, I’ll still be confident and passionate about certain topics. But I’m less confident and generally uncommanding in romantic affairs. I like confident women who make for a suitable sparring partner.

Slow to start, deeply loyal

I don’t develop attachments quickly, but they’re strong when they do form. I’m not likely to fall in love with you at first sight; it normally takes time. But if it grows and deepens - you’re never getting rid of me!

(This is a joke; it’s totally okay to get rid of me if you want to, I’m not a creepy stalker dude. Though isn’t that something a creepy stalker dude would say? I really feel needing to assert you’re not a creepy stalker dude is a bad sign. Well…)

Pragmatic, not romantic

I’m not one for big, bold declarations of love. I see things in unhealthily pragmatic terms. To wit, I have described dating as “like a marketing funnel”, “a numbers game”, and “basically a case of ticking off a checklist of features”.

Now, am I willing to learn to be romantic? Sure! But just know, this is something I will need teaching. My task-relevant maturity is not, so you’re going to have to manage me in this area. I shouldn’t be writing this, should I? There goes my last chance of finding love.

Contact

Well done! You made it this far. If, by some miracle, I still seem like a viable candidate for you, then don’t hesitate to say hello.

You can reach me via email (listed on my home page) or on my linkedin or substack social media accounts (yes, I know, weird places to reach me, right? What a strange guy).

I may not keep this 100% updated so may be in a relationship by the time you reach out. Though if past performance (not an indicator of future behaviour) is anything to go by, that’s unlikely (cf tradeoffs section).